Mum's

Why we need to show them more love and gratitude

So last night (16th Jan) I had a long Face-Time chat with my mum. Now due to my job I don’t see her, my family or my friends as much as I would like. This is hard on my mum and she’s admitted as much.

Now she freely admits that she’s not the sharpest tool in the box. Her spelling is atrocious but she still has her own way of looking at things and her own set of morals that she passed down to me. Things like fairness, being a gentlemen, don’t open your mouth unless you have something good to say.

Now I know not everyone who reads this might not be on good terms with their mum but if you are I want you to do one thing, right now because I can’t. Go and give your mum a hug. She bloody deserves it.

Now I thought I’d talk a little about my own mum and then just mums in general and why they are so important in our lives. I do believe having both parents in a stable marriage (or at least have been together happily for a long time) is best when it comes to raising a good set of kids. If you’re also lucky enough to have siblings, cousins and grandparents then even better. I think that in today’s age, where 15 minute cities are trying to get pushed and everyone is online, people forget the old proverb:

So. My mother. When people ask me what my mother was like growing up I always point to two characters on two TV shows that I swear must have spied on my mum. One is Lois from Malcolm in the Middle and the other is Pamela from Gavin and Stacey.

Now she wasn’t an evil horrible woman. She just had older girls from one marriage (one of which ran away with the circus when she was 15) and then 3 boys with her second. That’s 5 kids. When I look back I just don’t know how she did it, especially with my dad out as a train driver earning money. We didn’t have expensive things. We never went abroad for holidays. At Christmas, my parents chose one kid each year to spend that little bit more on which was nice. We were loved and never went hungry or cold and always had a roof over our heads.

So with 5 kids you can imagine that my mum could be quite short and blunt when it came to things with punishments etc. She was busy. School runs, her own job, washing, cooking, making packed lunches, keeping the home running and all the other things she did. Don’t get me wrong. When my dad wasn’t at work he was pulling his weight. I remember the time he decided to give my mum a break by taking me and my two younger brothers to the Tesco to do the weekly shop. That ended with us in hospital so that my brothers chin could be glued back together. No shopping was done that day and I’m pretty sure we got fish and chips for dinner that night.

I thought I’d list a number of ways why mums are important that I’ve seen around the internet. I’ll spin a couple of dits about my own other and some of the things she’s done over the years. Once again I shall caveat that with the fact that not everyone was as lucky as me and had such an awesome mum. I wish you could have had.

1. If it weren’t for your mum, you wouldn’t be breathing right now. If nothing else, you should thank her for that.

2. A mother’s ears and eyes hear and see everything. They also have a computer-like memory for all the good (and some of the bad) that came your way. It’s nice to have someone with whom you can reminisce about your whole life. (My mum has the memory of an elephant.)

3. Mothers are forgiving—so forgive her in return. Perhaps nothing will be as valuable a gift to both of you as forgiveness. Open your heart and drop your resentments.

A story about my own mum. Back in the 90’s, when The Sopranos was on, my mum informed my dad that she needed the toilet. This was at the opposite end of the house where our front room was. We lived in a three bedroom terraced house that wasn’t small but wasn’t a mansion. Now my dad had the show paused (it was recorded on VHS) and he was sat back enjoying a rolled up cigarette and some Southern Comfort. 45 minutes he sat there, minding his own business before it occurred to him that his beautiful wife hadn’t returned from the loo. So off he went and what did he find? My mother, stood on the toilet screaming his name (which she had been for 45 minutes) as a huge spider was blocking her exit from the bathroom. Needless to say she wasn’t happy (what if she’s fallen and hit her head) LOL.

More of the reasons why mums matter.

1. Mothers are foundations and pillars. We all need that someone on whom we can fall back on in times of crisis, especially emotional ones. What better than the arms of a mother where all the problems, insecurities and negative feelings come to a standstill. A child always needs the support of the mother, be it any phase of life like going to school, marriage, having a baby. She is the one who acts like a strong pillar on which a child can depend. Remember, even a God needed his mum.

1. Mother’s love is unconditional. One look in a mother’s eye for her child and we come to realise the meaning of unconditional love. Though we all have become a pro with words and can exactly convey our emotions, expressing a mother’s love in words is still very difficult. For a mother, a child always remains her baby even if he turns 60 or becomes a tycoon, a leader or a thinker. Mothers hold this strong aspect of loving their children in any phase of life or situation. This unconditional love of mothers is what makes them so special for every child. I would like to point out that I’m 38 and my mum still tries to grab my hand if we cross the road together and makes me text her when I return back home from visiting her.

Studies consistently show that having a mother who is present, nurturing, concerned, and involved does a world of good in a young child’s life. A 2012 study from Washington University School of Medicine actually  found that children who received warm, maternal nurturing in early childhood ended to develop a larger hippocampus- the learning, memory, and stress response center in the brain (Dryden, 2012). A mother like this holds many jobs. She acts as a teacher, a comforter, a nurse, and a mediator. Her job requires an understanding of medicine, psychology, math, management, cooking, cleaning, interior design, exceptional leadership skills, and undying patience to name a few. No mother is perfect, and this too can benefit a child, as they learn to deal with struggles and imperfections in life.

Does anyone elses mum use “The Look”? Now I’m not sure if that’s a look mums learn OR women are just born able to give “The Look” as my sister is able to use it to great effect as well. Here’s Chilli doing “The Look”

Here’s another story about my mum. For years my mum had been asking my dad to decorate the front room. She had the wallpaper (yes it’s the 90’s when wallpaper was more commonly used than paint) that she wanted to go up and all she was waiting for was my dad to do it. In the FIVE years it took my dad to do it, he decorated my sisters home at least twice. Needless to say my mother was not pleased. Eventually he did get around to it. He spent a few days stripping and then re-putting up this wallpaper that my mother had. At the end he was all pleased with himself, right up until my mum pulled out these two pots of paint and informed him that he could take the wallpaper down and paint it now.

I’m starting to run out of ideas to talk about. There’s so much about mothers that people write novels about it. So go and send you mum a text or give her a call. Tell her that you love her. Take her for an afternoon tea. I sent my mum money over the weekend so that she could go to her favourite restaurant with my dad. It’s the least I could do for the things she’s done.

I hope I find you happy and healthy.

Vulkan