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The Black Knight's avatar

I think listening to this while reading what you wrote enhanced my experience https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcgaMnlwADU&t=5788s

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Bob Hannaford's avatar

You may want to take this with a grain of salt since I haven’t been into reading fiction for over 40 years.

I think the story has a lot of potential. However at the start it sounded like you were trying to describe death or Satan. It all sounded a bit too hyperbolic. And for that reason I couldn’t connect with that part of the story.

As far as the protagonist, I need to have some reason to care about what he cares about, to live for what he lives for.

I’m not sure how much of this is good advice for the short story.

I have the feeling that the reader needs to come away from a short story with the feeling that he’s encountered something unique and memorable. Not just in the creation of the characters. But maybe an idea that you keep thinking about.

I may be asking way too much. This may be something that only the most experienced writers have been able to achieve.

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