So today I’m writing a short story set in my favourite universe and hobby. Warhammer 40,000. I know it’s not for everyone. If you do read and enjoy please tell me. If you think it’s shit. Please tell me (I can take it) as I want to learn. So here we go.
"It is the 41st Millennium. For more than a hundred centuries the Emperor of Mankind has sat immobile on the Golden Throne of Earth. He is the master of mankind by the will of the gods and master of a million worlds by the might of His inexhaustible armies. He is a rotting carcass writhing invisibly with power from the Dark Age of Technology. He is the Carrion Lord of the vast Imperium of Man for whom a thousand souls are sacrificed every day so that He may never truly die.
Yet even in His deathless state, the Emperor continues His eternal vigilance. Mighty battlefleets cross the daemon-infested miasma of the Warp, the only route between distant stars, their way lit by the Astronomican, the psychic manifestation of the Emperor's will. Vast armies give battle in His name on uncounted worlds. Greatest amongst His soldiers are the Adeptus Astartes, the Space Marines, bio-engineered super-warriors. Their comrades in arms are legion: the Imperial Guard and countless planetary defence forces, the ever-vigilant Inquisition and the Tech-priests of the Adeptus Mechanicus to name only a few. But for all their multitudes, they are barely enough to hold off the ever-present threat to humanity from aliens, heretics, mutants -- and far, far worse.
To be a man in such times is to be one amongst untold billions. It is to live in the cruelest and most bloody regime imaginable. These are the tales of those times. Forget the power of technology and science, for so much has been forgotten, never to be relearned. Forget the promise of progress and understanding, for in the grim dark future there is only war. There is no peace amongst the stars, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter, and the laughter of thirsting gods."
Trooper Edwin “Ed” Knoll quietly moved through the forest with the rest of his squad. Three months ago, Battlegroup Iolus had arrived at Idrax in the Idrax system, located to the south of the galaxy in the Segmentum Tempestus to find it under attack from a Tyranid splinter fleet. Immediately moving into action, the Tyranid fleet had been decimated and soon after ground forces had been deployed to defend the Hive City and the surrounding areas. Three months later and it was mostly a mop up operation, trying to find the last small pockets of Tyranids so that they could destroy them, leave the Hive World and move on to the next war. He thought about the friends he had lost, the screeching of the xenos and the eyes of the monster that had nearly cost him his leg. Now he found himself with his squad, moving quietly through a forest far to the south of the Hive City on a hunt.
Movement to his left caused him to snap back to the present and he swung his lasgun up into his shoulder, pointing it into the trees, eyes scanning the treeline.
“Quiet” hissed Wend, the sergeant of their squad. “Hold steady, I won’t have any xenos catching us unawares”
The squad stood or knelt, lasguns up. Thirty seconds passed. Then a minute. Ed felt a line of sweat drip down the side of his face. He chanced a glance to his left and could see Lara, kneeling down holding her plasma gun, eyes darting left and right into the gloomy trees. He glanced around the forest now and noticed that he couldn’t even hear any animals of any kind. Maybe they were on the right track.
Another minute passed and finally Sergeant Wend spoke once more. “Whatever that was, it’s gone, we move for another hour before we stop for a short break. Single file, no noise, now move”
The squad stood and once again moved through the thick trees towards their destination. They were one of twenty squads and a few Sentinels clearing the forest of Tyranids. The planet Governor didn’t want any of the xenos left on the planet which Ed didn’t blame him for. Sgt Wend moved towards their voxcaster, Trooper Nellerson and spoke quietly to him.
Fifteen minutes of walking later and the silence was deafening. No birds, no other small animals scampering about. It seemed like there wasn’t even any wind. It didn’t feel right to Ed. The forest should have been alive with the sound of nature despite being on a Hive world.
Suddenly he heard it. A high hiss. A hiss that had haunted his and the other Guardsman’s dreams for months and suddenly the bushes to his left exploded. He turned, firing but couldn’t stop the small multi-limbed Tyranid, barrelling into Gax who was in front of him. Blood sprayed as the long bladed fore limbs of the creature stabbed into Gax’s chest and face. Gax didn’t even get a shot off. Just as quick, the xenos withdrew its blades from Gax’s corpse, blood dripping from them and it moved quickly to Ed’s left.
“Lara get it” Ed shouted as he continued to fire at the Tyranid, his shots going wild and blasting small holes into the trees as his las shots hit them. The small las beams were also setting small fires in the foliage. Other las shots joined his from the rest of the squad. Suddenly a bright light flashed to his left and Ed closed his eyes. There was a high pitched screech and then, a few seconds later a command. “Cease fire” Wend shouted out followed by “MEDIC!”
Ed opened his eyes. Where the Tyranid had been was now a smoking crater. The xenos was no where to be seen. Sgt Wend shouldered past him followed by the squad medic, Trooper Zeil who knelt by Gax. Sgt Wend looked up. “Keep your eyes peeled. There might be more of these xenos about.”
Ed went back to listening and gazing out into the trees but couldn’t hear or see anything. What he wouldn’t give to have one of the Emperors Angels here with them right now. He glanced at Lara. “Good shot Lar” he said. She smiled grimly.
Sgt Wend and Trooper Zeil stood up. “He’s dead. Take his grenades and we’ll come back for him.” Sgt Wend looked around as no one made to move. “Did I suddenly speak xenos?” Sgt Wend growled. “MOVE!”
Everyone jumped to that and quickly grabbed spare grenades from Gax’s body and moved into a single line with Ed at the front as point man. He started moving, eyes constantly moving, ears alert for a hiss of a Tyranid or the snap of a twig.
It was after twenty more minutes of walking that Ed finally raised his fist to stop the squad. They got down onto one knee, lasgun’s raised.
Sgt Wend moved up to Ed. “What’s up Ed. What you have you seen?” he said quietly.
Ed just pointed. Thirty metres ahead, a number of trees had been knocked down, some had been gnawed on by the looks of things and some had branches missing. Only something big could have knocked them over.
“Shit” muttered Sgt Wend scratching his chin thoughtfully. “Keep an eye out, I’m going to pass this over vox, see if we can get a sentinel to our position.”
He moved back down the line leaving Ed up front. Ed sighed and kept looking around, waiting for the call to move. He thought about his own planet that he would never see. His grandparents had been Cadian, his dad was a Cadian and he was proud to serve The Emperor as a Cadian Trooper. Even if his planet had been destroyed by traitors, Ed was still taught all about his home by his father and Grandparents.
“Okay lets move” Sgt Wend called. “We’ll have sentinel support soon enough.”
Ed sighed again, muttered a prayer to The Emperor and started to trudge forward but more cautiously this time. He could hear the rest of the squad following him and the low hum of Lara’s plasma gun. He moved as quietly as he could through the trees, seeing more and more of them pulled down, more claw marks, more blobs of what looked to be acid smoking on the bark.
He stopped and raised, first his fist and then his lasgun as he heard rustling in the bushes in front of him. He tried to make something out in the gloom, creeping forward he looked into the bushes and stopped still.
He could see a large 4 legged creature, with antlers on it’s head and clawed feet. Its’s fur was short and mottled to give it a form of camouflage. It was also dead and being torn apart by small Tyranid creatures which he was sure were known as Rippers throughout the Imperium. He could see why. They were small bodied with 6 small limbs and teeth too large for their bodies. They were currently gorging themselves on the creature.
Sgt Wend quietly joined him, took one look to assess the situation and motioned for the rest of the squad to join them. “Lara, you hold” he whispered. “The rest of you, pick your targets, two for each one.” Everyone took aim. as he issued his instructions quietly.
When everyone was set Sgt Wend raised his fist and then lowered it sharply and they all fired. There were high pitched screeches as las shots hit targets. One tried to scamper away but they were all cut down in short order by the las shots from their guns.
“Okay cease fire” Sgt Wend called and they all stopped, weapons still held ready in case there was more. Ed looked around, feeling slightly proud that one of his shots had taken one of the xenos in the eye.
As they looked around they felt a tremble through the ground. Sgt Wend looked back towards where they had come from. “Must be those sentinels. About time he said. He had only just finished his sentence when he heard it. They all heard it. A high roar.
They all glanced around at each other, fear starting to fill them. The trees and the high roar could only mean a big Tyranid creature. “Nellerson. Get over here. We need support.”
Trooper Nellerson moved to the sergeant and immediately started requesting more squads to his position plus air support f it could be spared. Voices could be heard replying when suddenly there was a huge crash in the distance and another roar.
Everyone was looking to the sergeant who was still busy with the vox so Ed took charge. He ordered everyone into a line, taking cover behind the available trees. He looked to Lara and said “Lara, you’ve got the big guy we can hear. You know what to do.” She just looked at him grimly.
As they looked into the gloom they were joined by Sgt Wend and Trooper Nellerson. They also took aim into the treeline. They could still hear the roar of the big xenos. They could hear it getting closer. “Air and sentinel support is 10 minutes out but we can survive this. Trust in your kit and pray to The Emperor.”
Ed suddenly saw multiple gleams of red eyes in the brush 30 metres away and before he could react he heard a thud of something small hitting the tree he was taking cover behind. He knew what it was immediately and called out “BORERS!!” and took cover. A few more small thuds hit the tree and he heard a cry of pain somewhere to his left.
“RETURN FIRE. RETURN FIRE!!!” Sgt Wend called out and Ed moved out from cover and fired in the direction of the eyes. He tried to remember his training and place his shots but it was hard when he could hear the thuds of borers hitting the trees. Small flames started to form in the dry brush
Another high screech was closer now and Ed could hear the crashing getting closer. Beyond that Ed could swear he could hear a howl. He took a breath as another borer hit the tree he was standing behind and took aim. Pulling the trigger he heard a screech and a set of eyes disappeared followed by another to his left. “Don’t let up” called Sgt Wend. “Keep up the rate of fire”
The words stopped as the crashing was now upon them. Ed had to move as a huge shape smashed into the tree about fifty metres away from him. The tree started to fall as it just couldn’t stand up to the weight of the xenos smashing into it. The tree hit the ground causing the ground to shake slightly and a few birds flew off into the sky. Ed sprinted for the next tree and turned to look at the xenos.
It was huge. It had a spined carapace shell. It’s belly seemed swollen. It walked on six limbs. It’s back legs hoofed whilst its front two were like scythes. It’s eyes were black and its mouth full of sharp teeth.
It screeched and started to charge. Ed had to duck for cover as a number of spines seemed to fire from points just above its head. He then heard a high hum and a flash of blue followed by a pained screech. When he looked he could see Lara was pulling back behind a tree, her plasma gun venting. When he looked to the xenos he could see that one of it’s scything talons was gone. It then charged at Lara who tried to scramble away. Ed fired his lasgun to little effect as the xenos pierced her chest with its remaining talon, picked her off the ground and flung her away into the trees leaving the gun behind.
The xenos turned from Ed and moved down the line, a scream cut short as another of his squad was killed. Ed shouldered his lasgun and crept to where he could see the plasma gun. He heard another howl, closer this time. He reached the gun and checked it over. It seemed to have no obvious damage so he picked it up, checking the charge on the weapon and seeing it was okay, took aim at the back of the xenos monstrosity.
Ed heard another scream from one of his squad so he muttered a short prayer to the machine spirit of the weapon and fired. Immediately the gun started hissing steam as a big blue ball of plasma leapt from the barrel of the gun and struck the xenos in the back. It screeched once again and Ed could see a huge crater in the carapace and a number of it’s spines had been vaporised. The creature turned and Ed started to fall back, knowing what was going to happen next.
It didn’t happen though. The xenos seemed to swell and an opening appeared on its swollen belly and small xenos seemed to fall out of it. Ed couldn’t believe his eyes as small xenos like the one that had been killed by Lara earlier stood and turned to face him. This was turning bad Ed thought as he now heard the howl close by. He continued to back away, seeing that the plasma gun needed ten more seconds before he could fire again. Maybe he could overload it and charge the monstrosity down he thought.
The smaller xenos started to charge him down and he raised the plasma gun, his finger on the trigger. Before he could fire he heard a loud barking bang and the closest xenos to him exploded in a ball of gore and blood. Another bark and the next xenos blew apart. One by one the smaller xenos were blown apart. Ed looked to his right from where the sound of the gun was coming from. He knew what it could be but surely his prayers hadn’t been answered.
Another howl sounded followed by a high screech as the xenos turned to face this new adversary. Out of the trees ran a huge blur of grey armour and fur with what looked like lightning at it’s hands. It charged at the xenos, howling as it did so, vaulting over the scything talon and struck the neck of the xenos monstrosity with the lightning on its hands.
The xenos monstrosity screeched once more, stopped moving and then it’s head just dropped from it’s body. The body collapsing in a huge crash from the loss of brain function. Silence rung out around the immediate area as lasguns stopped firing. Another howl from the giant in grey armour as it turned to face Ed who could finally get a good look at one of the Emperors Angel of Death. An Adeptus Astartes.
It was huge man in grey armour, runes, skulls and other small trinkets seemed to adorn it. He had red hair that was braided and spilled out among his chest plate. A wolfs head was on his right pauldron. The lightning at his hands had ceased now and Ed could see that they were in fact claws attached to his gauntlets. He looked at Ed and grinned revealing sharp canines. “A good hunt little man. Praise be to the Allfather” he said in a low baritone voice.
Ed just gulped and then managed to stammer out “Y-Y-Yes my Lord.” just as Sgt Wend appeared from the other side of the xenos carcass. Seeing the Astartes he fell to one knee. “Thank you my Lord but how did you know?”
The Astartes looked to the sergeant. “I heard your vox reports and took a drop pod down. I couldn’t resist a good hunt.” He looked around, sniffing the air. “I smell more xenos. Gather your men. I will join you and request a couple more of my brothers to join the hunt.” He turned away from the squad.
Sgt Wend looked to Ed who shrugged. He didn’t understand the ways of the Astartes. He just knew that they were the ultimate dealers of death. Sgt Wend turned to the rest of the squad as they made their way to him, looking shocked at the newly arrived guest. “Okay boys. You know the drill. Police the grenades, we’ll come back for the dead later. We have a guest so I think the rest of the day is going to be interesting to say the least.”
Ed couldn’t agree more. His prayers to The Emperor had been answered and proved that if you truly believed then it really was true. The Emperor Protects.
So there we have it. A short story based on the universe I really enjoy. I hope you who read it enjoy this. If there’s good things then please tell me. Anything bad then please tell me. It’s the only way I’ll learn to get better. If you think it’s shit then please tell me why.
I hope I find you all happy and healthy.
Vulkan
P.S. The picture of the Space Wolf is just as an example.
I think listening to this while reading what you wrote enhanced my experience https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcgaMnlwADU&t=5788s
You may want to take this with a grain of salt since I haven’t been into reading fiction for over 40 years.
I think the story has a lot of potential. However at the start it sounded like you were trying to describe death or Satan. It all sounded a bit too hyperbolic. And for that reason I couldn’t connect with that part of the story.
As far as the protagonist, I need to have some reason to care about what he cares about, to live for what he lives for.
I’m not sure how much of this is good advice for the short story.
I have the feeling that the reader needs to come away from a short story with the feeling that he’s encountered something unique and memorable. Not just in the creation of the characters. But maybe an idea that you keep thinking about.
I may be asking way too much. This may be something that only the most experienced writers have been able to achieve.